Some Bar on Some Island

I am not going to sit here and tell you that each day on the  island is an adventure, because it’s not. Some days (lots  of days), it’s all I can do to read a book and keep an eye  on the tide coming in and going out. But when there are  adventures (that I have permission to write about) I do like  to share them with you. 

Today’s adventure: 

… began with the fact that it feels like someone in  authority rang a great big bell. I must have missed the  memo stating that winter snow-bird vacations all began  today. The roads were packed, the Piggly Wiggly parking  lot was like bumper cars from hell. The liquor store had a  line at the register land sakes! Noticing all this new activity,  I slowly made my way south on the island road headed for  my favorite watering hole, The Waterside. 

 Froggy’s was packed, Ragged Ass Saloon was insane, Lo  Key Tiki was a mess, Woody’s had cars parked along the  street. I was glad that Waterside had accepted me as a  regular non-resident. It’s the last stop on the main island  road, and most tourists only get about as far as Ragged  Ass Saloon, or sometimes Woody’s. 

Sitting down in my newly-appointed regular bar stool, I got  a warm greeting from Angie, my personal adult beverage  professional. Angie is interesting because she has been here eleven years and knows everything. Full disclosure,  she also has the most amazing fluorescent yellow tongue stud which does not completely hide the bright red one  immediately behind it. 

When Mr. Jonny Walker arrived Angie & I talked for a  minute about the weather and how the winter tides this  year were especially low. (I found that out personally) We  talked about the growing and shifting sand bar at Red Fish  Pass, and how the Army Corps of Engineers was going to  have to dredge that area yet again. Angie’s husband Mike  is a commercial fisherman, so I get all the good marine  news straight from them. 

The place was starting to fill up so I ordered another  beverage and when it arrived I mentioned to Angie about  that magic bell ringing and all the winter snow birds  arriving. She immediately agreed and as if on cue this late  twenties/early thirties blonde plops down on the stool right  next to me. 

Now here in my story we must pause for a moment of  reflection. There are but two options. Option one: she saw  me sitting alone, my rugged appearance, my devil-may care persona, my charm, so on…. or (and more  likely),option two: she saw that Angie was there and she  thought she could get served faster. I’m going with option  one, but it’s your choice, just be gentle, kind reader.

The interloper was in what looked like a brand spanking  new pair of jeans that had just hours ago lost a decisive  battle with the scissors and become almost “too” short,  shorts (the kind where the pocket liners stick out lower  than the cut line). A peach colored tank top (a bit snug),  that did nothing to accent her “almost” tan, and a pair of  brand new flip-flops that, had I inspected, would have  probably still had the tag attached. 

She was about to get Angie’s attention just as her cell  phone rang. 

Here is the word for word, I swear to goodness exact  recount of the first part of her half of that call. “Hello, pause…. oh hi mom…..pause….., mom I’m OK, I’m  in a bar on some island.” 

Both Angie and I guffawed loud enough that “flip-flop” said  to Mom….. “hold on a minute”….. she looked at me and  said, “Where am I, exactly?”  

Upon reflection I should have provided a more direct  answer, but given the circumstances at hand I said, “you  are at The Waterside Tavern and fine eatery”. This made  Angie smile (always a good thing, that bright yellow  tongue-stud not withstanding). “Flip-flop” was considering  my reply when Angie said, ” Pine Island, darlin.”

Angie and I only had a few moments to talk as I got ready  to exit, but “flip-flop” had been on the phone with “mom”  for a long while, and believe me I now know so much more  about breast augmentation surgery than I ever wanted to  know. For instance…… oh wait, that’s probably better  discussed over a beer.  

Anyway, as I paid and thanked Angie she gave me the  change, and cleared her throat, which caught my attention  (again fluorescent yellow). When she saw that she had my  attention, she took both hands and “adjusted” her boobs. I  smiled and adjusted mine, waved and left “flip-flop” there  talking to her mom, something about permanently erect  nipples….